scoutabout.org | a photoblog

prayer

scout still has that sparkle in her eye, her spirit still twinkles.
it's heartbreaking to watch her hobble around defying the body that is slowly but certainly fading.
sometimes she sits and just gazes off.
she seems content. her life is just as she has always known it.  long naps, good food and lots of love.  but i know there is pain.
for me it is terrible; the knowing, waiting, watching.  being human and feeling helpless and overwhelmed by the responsibility.
it's not time yet - but it will be soon.  there is an awfulness to the expectation, the wondering. 
what i want most, and strive for, is to live in the moment with her.  to live like she lives, full of unconditional love and no expectations.

dreaming dogs

jesse came to me last night in a dream.  her presence was palpable, if it hadn't been for the conversation we had, i would have thought i was awake!  i was holding her but it felt as if she were holding me.  the sensation of how her coat used to feel when she came in from sunbathing in the texas heat came rushing back to me.
jesse exuded unconditional dog love.  her dream visit gave me comfort and welcomed me home.
i woke up thinking of what our friend ann said to me right after jesse died,
"they are here to get you where you need to go." 
 

words on the sky

when we found ourselves uprooted and searching for a home, our friends rallied to our side.  during this unsettling time they sent words of comfort and inspiration.  jane has these quotes and poems hanging in the window by her work space. it's been quite a journey - strange and wonderful, scary and thrilling - we are grateful to our families and friends for their support, patience and encouragement.  it's hard to believe we've finally arrived at this day.  today we get the keys to a home of our own.

leap

taken this past summer on an island in georgian bay, ontario.  the first time jimmy experienced total off lease freedom.  he had a checkered past and despite his size, or maybe because of it, he can be a bit surly!  holding his own in a pack of chows as a pup left its mark on him. 
here's to freedom, new experiences and happiness in the new year.
peace from the whole pack.

 

boxes of history

we visited the toronto archives to research the house we made an offer on. 
it was built in 1906 by a young ship builder named ambrose bond. 
we've been counting down since september 29th.  i don't know why 43 sticks in my head but it's the first countdown number i wrote on the chaulk board.  43 days until closing.  43 days until we get the keys to our new home.
yesterday morning i made coffee and marked a fat little number 3 on the board. 
the call from the lawyer came around 10 am.  the house had been damaged in a fire that burned in the adjoining house the night before.
we went to survey the damage.  firefighters had broken windows and punched through walls in "our" house to control the blaze next door. the smoke smell pushed against us.  the neighboring house charred and gutted, staring at us through black windows.
there's no number on the board this morning and we're not sure what's next.  but somewhere along the line this little piece of history will rest in one of those boxes.

 

strange view

life is strange sometimes, today was one of those times

jane's window

guest photo by jane brooks

this was the window in jane's bedroom in the house where she grew up.  she took the photo the day we all went to say goodbye to the house.  the room, like the home, was full of love and laughter;  as is the girl who grew up in the room.

happy birthday, sweet jane. 

Rochester Ave, Toronto, Ontario

jesse at cherry beach

we arrived in toronto about this time one year ago.  jesse was still healthy enough to romp on the beach.  she was absolutely obsessed with the geese.  the mad dash after seagulls paled in comparison to these giants!  these gray days remind me of those first beach walks.  jesse left us with the memory of her gentleness and her goofy smile.  in my grief, a wise friend said to me,
"they are here to get us where we need to go."
thanks for getting us here jess, we miss you.